As Ukraine fights for freedom, an artist returns to her homeland

“Ukraine is my land and I’m rooted low to the ground. I can feel what’s happening there with my people, and all my ancestors, my grandmother, my great grandmother and grandfather.”

By Leah Small

The Virginia Center for Investigative Journalism at WHRO

CHARLOTTESVILLE - Tatiana, a Ukrainian artist in her forties, has left the safety of her Central Virginia home to travel to her native country three times to volunteer humanitarian aid during the Russian invasion. 

Tatiana has lived in the U.S. since her early twenties. Most of her family remains in Ukraine, and her heart remains connected to her home. Working with the U.S.-based nonprofit Razom, which means “together” in Ukrainian, Tatiana has returned to her homeland to coordinate fundraising and provide aid for war victims such as hospitalized children, amputees and soldiers on the frontline. In one instance, she secured medical treatment in bordering Poland for a young soldier badly burned during battle.

A professional artist, Tatiana has raised upwards of $15,000 for Ukrainian aid from selling her paintings, and has partnered with Saint Nicholas Ukrainian Orthodox Church and other organizations to raise relief funds. Influenced by the war, her paintings evoke the trauma of refugees and loss of life. Black, blood red, and grim expressions are the main features of her most recent works; a departure from pre-war pieces that captured natural and idyllic scenes. 

“When I express my emotions [in paintings], it’s not blue and yellow colors, patriotic,” Tatiana said. “It’s red because this war [is] about blood. It’s about losing people, about losing generations.”

The conflict has killed more than 26,000 Ukrainian civilians as of early August, and has displaced more than 11 million people, about a quarter of Ukraine’s population. 

As Ukraine endures Russian attacks on  civilians and other war crimes, Tatiana is haunted by constant loss.“There’s a funeral everyday” she said, “and the friends of friends dying everyday.”

Tatiana has received online threats for her support of her homeland, and is being identified only by her first name for her security.

This interview has been lightly edited for length and clarity.

About three weeks before the invasion, I heard the American Embassy in Kyiv was closed down and everybody left, and U.S. officials said every American has to leave Ukraine immediately. I knew something bad was going to happen because it was the first time in my life that I heard such terrible news that every foreign citizen has to leave Ukraine immediately. 

I tried to talk to my family, to my friends who are in Ukraine. I said, try to leave now. And everybody said, well, Russia's not going to attack us. They say they are not going to attack us. You cannot believe Russia. You never could believe the Russian president. Never. Not this one, not 100 years ago.

About a few days before February 24, I got a message from one of my friends. And he said, you should take your family out of Kyiv. They gave me information that there is probably going to be an invasion on February 26th, 27th. I called my family. They just laughed at me then and said no, it’s just too much, it’s never going to happen. 

I was online the moment I saw the first explosion in Kyiv. Mentally, I wasn’t prepared. I started calling everybody saying, wake up! And several of my friends, when I called them, they woke up and said; Why did you wake us up at 4 a.m.? And I said, Look out the window! Look what's happening! And at this point, the air alarm or sirens would not work yet in Kyiv. Nobody knew what was happening. 

My heart literally dropped down to below the ground. I thought, this is a death threat for our entire country. We didn’t know if Russia was going to shoot the nuclear weapon immediately, or if they were just going to shoot rockets.

In the morning, I told my family to get money out of the bank, to get basic groceries and water. And if they could leave, they should leave. But the traffic was already so bad at that point because people, as soon as they heard, everyone that could, got a car to leave town. By March 10th, Russians were already surrounding the city. Everybody who tried to leave was killed. 

My family tried to leave the city on about March 10th. Twenty four hours later, they notified me that they had gotten to a safer area in Ukraine. A month later, when I asked, where is your car, I realized the car was shot in. They were driving, (but) by only luck and my prayers, everybody survived. 

At first what brought me to the U.S. was schooling. I decided that I need to know English better than I studied before. When you are young, you want to discover the  world and travel to different countries. I've lived, including (Virginia), in places like Russia, Germany, Slovakia. 

Unfortunately, the Ukrainian community is not so big here except the Washington, D.C. diaspora. But most Ukrainians who come to Virginia for school or for work, they don't stay so long, so it's difficult to find them. 

I connected with Saint Nicholas Church. Most parishioners in Saint Nicholas are American, but Americans who support Ukraine.

It's like a little island of faith and beliefs with a new generation, with American people who are coming and supporting you. We can talk about everything and anything. Of course, each problem, each parishioner takes on as a personal problem. That's very helpful. 

At the very beginning of the war, the first week and a half, I was in a state of shock and not knowing what to do. One of the ladies that I collaborated with a few years ago called me and said, we want to do a small event in support of Ukraine. 

The event was outside. The children grew sunflowers, a symbol of Ukraine. There were blue and yellow flags. Those American people had never been to Ukraine, they didn’t know anything about this country, but they showed their support. And everybody who passed the street there blew their horns. Some people stopped and listened. That was a huge surprise and uplifting.

The first time I went (back to Ukraine) was in May (2023) and Kyiv was already free and liberated from Russians. But the beautiful area, the buildings just right outside Kyiv that used to be a prestigious district, were completely demolished. When I saw ruins passing by with a friend of mine, he said, I remember we had a party there last year. 

Beautiful homes, really beautifully designed gardens, fountains; everything was just ruins. It's devastating to see how somebody has completely demolished your country, your people, and it changes just overnight. But to explain the feelings; it’s impossible, because it changes you from inside.

German volunteers who went to Ukraine, I supported them with these trips. I supported them with translation. Personally, I have many Ukrainian volunteers that I know, and each of them is constantly fundraising, so we (Razom) help. Soldiers on the frontline, we help. Children’s hospital, we help – amputees, wounded soldiers. I mean, there’s so many people who need help, and it never ends. 

Civilian hospitals turned to military hospitals and the staff, they were willing to work hard for very little money and help with wounded soldiers, and people who needed transport to foreign hospitals. It’s devoted work by Ukrainian doctors. 

Loss of your family and friends, it is very hard. I will not lie. It’s very difficult, days of tears and not wanting to do anything because you think it’s useless. That it doesn’t matter what you do, you’re still losing people there. It takes time to process the emotions. But you understand nothing can return.

My art is changing in color and vision. So when I express my emotions through war, it's not blue and yellow, what you would think of as patriotic. It's red because this war is about blood, about losing people, losing generations. The paintings are very emotional.

My emotions are a desire to serve my country, to win. For me, my country is not something separate from me. Ukraine is my land and I’m rooted low to the ground. I can feel what’s happening there with my people, and all my ancestors, my grandmother, my great grandmother and grandfather. 

It’s not only your home; it's you.The place of your birth. It's your land. It gives you energy. And before, even during the war, every time I go home; it's a place that gives me energy. It's basically the source of my life. If I lose it, I lose my life. So, my art is about a desire to live. 

There is no way of losing this war, but I wish it would end sooner and that we didn’t have so many losses and a completely destroyed economy. But in terms of a tactical and political way, Russia lost. They are not winning on the battlefield even though they have ten times more ammunition, and ten times more troops in their army.

And we have history. How many times have tsars attacked and completely demolished Ukraine? Nothing was left. Every time, we rebuilt. It’s like a phoenix, raised from the dust. I truly believe in victory. It could take longer than we want, with more losses than we want, but Ukraine will win.

After I get over my grief and sadness, I look back at the life those people lived, what they have done. And they were beautiful people, amazing people, incredible and bright.

We have an expression in Ukraine: heroes never die. But almost every Ukrainian is a hero now because living in Ukraine and fighting for your freedom is heroic.